Авиа-юмор

- С вами говорит командир вашего авиалайнера. Я выпал из самолёта! Нда, такие вот дела! Но я фигею какой у этой гарнитуры bluetooth радиус действи...

Have good engines? Fuck the aerodynamics!

Не могу не поделиться цитатой. Bill Sweetman в интервью указал, что его любимый самолёт — Flanker:
... it looks incomparably bad-ass, as if God designed a pterodactyl to go Mach 2.

There was another one from the States.

A pilot asked for taxi clearance and was given his directions by a woman in the airports ATC. Anyway the pilot missed the turnoff point and on seeing this the ATC woman went ballistic (commonly know as PMT).

She went off for about 5 minutes about how stupid the pilot was, how this mess up would now involve a 30 minute delay of all flights... and so forth.
When her rant ended, there was absolute ATC silence for a while, then a voice popped up.
"Wasn't I married to you?"

много Игру слов переводить нет смысла

Airplane to Tower: "Call me a fuel-truck"
Tower: "Roger, you are fuel-truck"

-

Pilot enroute: "How it the weather at your airport?"
ATC: "Overcast - Cloudcover 10/8"
Pilot after a short pause: "10/8? How can that be?"
ATC: "Yesterday we had 8/8 but today it looks worse."

-

Tower: Have you got enough fuel or not?
Pilot: Yes.
Tower: Yes what??
Pilot: Yes, SIR!

-

LH741: Tower, give me a rough timecheck
Tower: It's tuesday, Sir.

-

ATC: RFG 312 fly directly to OLNO VOR. Do you need a vector?
Pilot: Ah, no, thanks. We can receive the VOR from here. It's in the direction of the moon.
ATC: Yes, that's possible, but we don't have the moon on our screen.

-

Pilot: Tower, there's a taxi-light lit.
ATC: Oh, I hope they're all lit.
Pilot: Sorry, I mean it's BURNING

-

Tower: Lufthansa 893, number one, check for workers on the taxiway.
Pilot: Roger...(After a short break)...We've checked the workers, they are
all working.

-

Tower: Delta Oscar Mike, squawk 0476.
Pilot: Say again.
Tower: Squawk 0476.
Pilot: Four, zero...?
Tower: You want an easier?

-

Tower: Delta Bravo Charlie, is your squawk really 7046?
Pilot: Positive.
Tower: Okay, then I'll send you a dredge for assistance. Your altitude is minus 90 feet.

-

Tower: Delta Fox Alpha, hold position, Marshall will park you.
Pilot: Roger. Looking out for John Wayne.

-

Tower: Mission 123, do you have problems?
Pilot: I think, I have lost my compass.
Tower: Judging the way you are flying, you lost the whole instrument panel

-

The story goes that Air Force One was over the UK a few years ago and called up a USAF base
"Requesting Radar".
"What is you position?" asked ATC
"You got radar you find us" Air Force One replied.
After a few minutes ATC announced "Air Force One we're changing frequency"
"What frequency are you changing to?" asked Air Force One
"You've got 720 channels - you find us!" ATC replied.

-

Pilot on takeoff: "Oh my god! The engine failure light is on; we are all going to die! We are all going to die!”
Co Pilot: “Relax, that’s just the intercom”

-

Tower: To prevent noise, alter heading 45 degrees to the right.
Pilot: What kind of noise can we make at 35,000 feet?
Tower: The bang when your 707 collides with the 727.

-

Pilot of an Alitalia, whose cockpit has been paralyzed by lightning: "Everything's dead. Nothing is working anymore. Even our altimeter isn't showing anything .... After five minutes of lamentation the pilot of another flight broadcasts: "Shut up and die like a man!"

-

Pilot: Have only very little fuel remaining. Request urgent instruction.
Tower: What is your position? We don't have you on the screen.
Pilot: We're sitting on runway 2 and have been waiting forever on the fuel truck.

Dude, those Kamakazi pilots in WW2 were crazy... If they threw me in a plane and told me to go crash into something, I'd just take off and go somewhere else. Like on vacation or something along those lines. I'd go to Hawaii. Er... wait...

Когда под крылом не аэродром, а пригороды,
И штурман за картой полез вдруг,
Слова любого члена экипажа:
''Куда вы собрались садиться, п..оры?''
Служат командой для ухода
На второй круг!

Полный ролик

нам на 737 промывали сортир, и в 20-литровый бак подали под давлением 500 литров
сам не видел, но говорят, фонтан был впечатляющий
лило водопадами через нишу носовой опоры шасси, обе двери в бортах...
все матом разговаривали и почти били вьетнамца который это сделал
я приехал когда уже все кончилось. экипаж решил лететь, ничего даже не заглючило
но ЦУП на мой звонок "у нас прорвало сортир нам 3.14здец" - ржал в голос

 

Наверное уже было, но очень понравилось

немножко фарси ))  [показать]


вопросы насчет штурмана, бортача и т.д. остались покрыты мраком ))

во внуково пакс хотел лететь с таким